Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue

Your chance to become a Power Ranger! Somebody somewhere must still love the Power Rangers show enough to warrant making a game for the N64 about it! If you are not familiar with the hit children's TV series then read this... A bunch of bad young actors dress up in spangly spandex clothing and battle fantastical creatures who are dressed up in ridiculous costumes that wouldn't fool a pantomime cow! The show features half-decent special effects, reasonably well executed kung fu fight sequences and, of course, giant robots that fight Godzilla-style over matchbox-sized cities! Remember to take this formula, and repeat it over and over again for as many episodes as you can get away with, before everyone catches on how poor it is and stops watching. As you may have guessed, we're not the biggest fans of the programme, but if the formula of this new game is anything like the show, then it doesn't really look too favourable for the multi-coloured crime-fighters!

The basic plot is that many of the members of the Power Rangers have been kidnapped and you, as the only remaining Ranger, must hunt for them across 30 huge levels, battling all kinds of evil beasts and grotesque monsters for truth, justice... and so on. The levels are a mix of first and third-person perspectives and battle areas and the different styles consist of driving, flying, blasting, robot-fighting and rescue scenarios.

On your travels you're able to use all of the vehicles and a lot of the weapons from the Power Rangers universe, as well as being able to battle the awesome, threatening powers of some of the series' most despicable bad guys such as Diabolico and Magnavore!

As a special treat the game also features the newest Power Ranger to join the team in the seventh season, Titanium Ranger. If that isn't a bonus, what is? Although, at this early stage, we have to be honest and say that this game so far hasn't exactly sparked any real interest or fired our enthusiasm, and early word from across the pond (where it is already out) hasn't been all that good. Many of the critics have said that graphically it is way below average, gameplay is short and unsatisfying and the sound is poor. The worst news of all is that it's been compared to the dire Carmageddon 64 and Superman games!

Despite all this bad news though, the jury is still out and we, as ever, will wait until we have got the final review of the game written and printed up before we commit to a final opinion!

If you are a big fan of the Power Rangers then you might be a little disappointed to read the above information, but it's never over until the fat... er, Power Ranger sings, so let's wait until the final verdict is in. On a lighter note... cheer up, it's Christmas soon, and that means presents, TV specials, and arguments over dinner with your relatives!

Crazes are funny things aren't they? Every so often something leaps out at you from nowhere and proceeds to get extremely popular, extremely quickly. This something could be anything. It could be a pop band, a scooter, a toy, a TV show, a movie or even a videogame character! It doesn't matter, what matters is that the marketing and advertising people squeeze as much money out of it as they can before the craze in question disappears back up the arse from whence it came.

A few crazes that spring to mind are things like Teenage Mutant Hero/Ninja (whatever you decide to call them) Turtles, Cabbage Patch Dolls, He-Man, Bros, Take That and even the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. All the above have pretty much come and gone in the past 20 years to the great cardboard box in the sky... hang on – Power Rangers? They're still going, aren't they?

Yes friends, for some reason, somebody somewhere is still making a lot of money off of these spandex-clad idiots and somebody somewhere (probably in America) is still buying into it all. Well, at least that explains why there happens to be a new videogame based upon their exploits, gracing the N64 like a turd on top of a wedding cake (Oh, nice image! Cheers for that – Roy). In my view (and I hope I'm not alone on this) this game is unnecessary, unwanted and a waste of everyone's time.

Power Shortage

Let's backtrack a little shall we? What is a Power Ranger? It's a decent enough question and one that can be answered in a few simple words: a pile of poop! From a kid's TV series that managed to spawn merchandise by the bucket-load, these toys, in an interesting kind of way, allowed the show to continue on for a lot longer than it deserves. As it turns out, the spin-off material – toys, games, designer drugs (well, possibly not the latter) – have always been, if anything, even more popular than the actual programme they came from. This is surely the only reason why this particular trend has lasted for as long as it has.

If you're a budding scriptwriter and you, for some unknown twisted reason, want to write yourself a merchandise-creating series similar to that 'hit' television show Power Rangers, then make sure you add the following ingredients:

Create a villain of such 'incredible strength' that it can only be defeated by a weak karate chop to the head. Then write for a bunch of pathetic young actors who will only have to dub their lines anyway at a later date because they couldn't deliver them during the shoot. Next, make sure the creatures you create can easily be made by a fat old woman who designs pantomime cows for a living, and – one last point – always ensure the 'heroes' have a mammoth challenge to overcome. For instance, have them pronounce the word "stupendous" in just one take.

I'm sorry, what are we meant to be talking about again? Oh yes, that Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue videogame. You had to remind me didn't you? Oh well, let's get on with it!

Lone Rangers

Yes, Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue is based on the TV series we've just been ranting on about for the last few hundred words and, unfortunately, it's just as pathetic. It seems we have a new addition to the "Oh my God! What A Terrible Game" Hall of Fame!

Lightspeed Rescue is one of those titles that simply beggars belief in terms of pure quality... that is: a total lack of it. If you look back to Issue 47 when we featured this title in the 64Sight section, you'll notice that even then, things did not look good.

Lightspeed Rescue was subject to a massive critical panning in the USA, and looked as though it was going to get the same horse-whipping here too. Which it is. If this game is anything to go by, then it must be a very dark time for N64 owners. With few games scheduled for release as it is, those that do get released should be of a far higher quality than this sorry effort.

The plot for this game has something to do with a fallen meteorite and loads of rescues. Thanks to the rather appalling 'animated' sequences between levels, whatever story there is is lost because of some incredibly crap storytelling. Imagine a "Dick and Jane" book only without the captivating storyline and that's basically what you are given to read here. Although these animated scenes are supposed to resemble some kind of comic strip, the quality is so poor that you really wonder why anyone bothered!

Mega-Bored

The game does have some variety on offer. The levels switch between first-person fighting action, side-scrolling driving sections and bird's-eye-view adventure areas. Which would be fine were it not for the fact that all of these different styles contain absolutely no semblance of a challenge whatsoever. Bugger all. Zip. Nought. Not even a hint of it. In fact, this is one of the few games where this reviewer has actually dozed off whilst playing. So in fact this game does present one challenge: staying awake while playing it! Seriously! In one section of the game you're asked to survive four minutes on the road, dodging enemy fire. However, if you move the Ranger's vehicle to the very top of the screen and leave it alone, none of the hazards come anywhere near you. Roy accidentally left this level running when he went off to make himself a cup of coffee and found upon his return that he'd completed it without once touching the controls!

In the two-player battle arena matches! Oooooh! That's nice, isn't it? The arena battle is basically like any old fighting game, only slower, crapper and with a bunch of fairly ineffective, pretty pointless power-ups. The extra characters – once unlocked – have absolutely no effect on the gameplay, and the two-player mode as a whole is actually an even bigger waste of time than the one-player – at least that one has a storyline of sorts!

Rescue Me!

Graphically, the game sucks salty eggs. It's pants. None of the different environments look anything more than dull and flat and its surprising to find how many of the levels look exactly the same. The driving stages especially resemble the kind of thing that you would really expect to find on the NES, but we're pretty sure that even the good old NES wouldn't want this kind of game pushed into its slot! Hey, it had standards too y'know!

As for the Rangers themselves... well, let's just say they are not exactly portrayed as the macho type. Firstly, during the fighting areas, they have been programmed to run like complete pansies. Remember that one kid at school that everybody laughed at because he ran like a complete spanner? Well, the Rangers all run like that child. And here's an interesting thought. Considering that the Rangers are famed for their high-kicking, Martian-mashing, kung-fu exploits, then how come in the game they perform very few kicks, can't jump and instead have strange laser-firing abilities? It all adds up to a game that is obviously very short on ideas and doing a very bad job of executing the few poor ideas that it actually has.

Aaaaaaagh!

This game can be finished with your brain on auto-pilot and, provided you have the patience, will be completed in no time at all. There are a load of options available but our favourite one was to never put this cart in our N64 ever again. Graphically the game is poor, as a challenge... well, it isn't one, and regarding gameplay – what gameplay? If you have any thoughts at all about buying this game then don't. Instead, give us the money you'd spend on it and we'll phone you up and laugh at you – that would be less annoying, trust us! Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue is a great example of how games shouldn't be made, but then considering its source material, there wasn't much chance of it being anything but the awful cash-in it appears to be! Let's just hope this means the Power Rangers will now finally sod off for good!

Hurrah - it's mighty morphin' time! Sarcasm aside the Power Rangers are apparently very popular - well they have reached their seventh series on TV! Aimed exclusively at a younger audience and Power Rangers fans, Lightspeed Rescue includes loads of stuff from the TV series.

All your favourite characters, vehicles, weapons and even monsters from the show feature in full 3-D in this game. Best of all you even get to play as the all-new Titanium Ranger from the seventh series through the thirty levels on offer! To give this game the true authentic feel it even has actual character voices, music and sounds from the TV show. This will keep Power Rangers fans happy.

First Impressions

Okay, let's face it: the Power Rangers are pretty pants! For some reason though, they're incredibly popular (and it's sure as hell not for the acting!) The good news though is that this game looks tike being a darn sight better than the television series so you probably won't have to be a fanatical Power Rangers enthusiast to enjoy it.