Sonic 3D: Flickies' Island

Celebrity is a fickle phenomenon. One moment you're 'it', the next you're 'shit' - with scarcely a pause for breath in between the two extremes. The fame of children's celebrities tends to be even more short-lived; countless showbiz careers have been unexpectedly curtailed by nothing more complex than the whims of a mewling generation of drippy-nosed, selfish toddler scumbags. Think of He-Man, Metal Mickey, Gilbert the alien and Timmy Mallet. Three fantastical creations, one braying oaf -all four of them sacrificed on the altar of childhood trends.

Naturally, this is a fate Sega don't wish to befall Sonic the Hedgehog. No-one wants to see their company mascot discussed in the same context as Timmy Mallet, which is why they've produced Sonic 3D, an isometric update of the once-popular, now-forgotten series of Megadrive platform games. Whilst the nature of the gameplay remains largely unchanged (collect rings, avoid or kill baddies, spin like a top etc), the two-dimensional sprites and levels of the original are gone, and in their place come pre-rendered models and forced-perspective playing areas. Fine, you might think. It isn't.

The problems are manifold. There's the control system for one thing - it's almost impossible to steer Sonic in the direction you want, especially if you use the keyboard. The graphics may mark a technical improvement, but they're hardly advanced (polygons would've been nicer) and worse still, they lack the charm of the original efforts. And finally there's the gameplay itself, which is slower-paced and more fiddly than any of the spiny ring-snaffler's past outings.

It'd be a shame to see Sonic bite the dust, Zeitgeist-wise, but if he continues to make ill-advised career choices such as this (the gaming equivalent of a starring role in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot), it won't be long until he's just another piece of roadkill on the information superhighway.