Safecracker

Safecracker is a game in which you have to crack open a bunch of safes. "In a safe, no one can hear you scream" reads a caption in the title sequence. Hilarious! Sadly, once the laughter has subsided, the game proper begins - and it soon becomes clear that Safecracker chews pole, big time.

Considering that the Safecracker 'engine' consists mainly of Apple QuickTime VR segments all stitched together in Macromedia Director, perhaps it's only inevitable that it feels more like a multimedia presentation than a game. The presentation is downright pedestrian and the visuals are the PC equivalent of an Eric Clapton guitar solo. The measure of skill involved is undeniably immense, yet the end result is sufficiently bland that your mind starts wandering after six seconds. Despite the imposition of time limits, the slack pace would tax the patience of a sentient housebrick.

It's the sort of thing that impresses computer game virgins and Macintosh owners immensely - but seasoned gamers can expect to be bored arseless. Soundtrack's alright though, I suppose.