Left Behind: Eternal Forces

The Story Of the Left Behind books, if you've never had one hurled at you in the street, is a fictionalised future, when the Rapture has plucked millions of people from the Earth's face. They were the lucky ones, cleaved to god's always-generous bosom, dragged without choice to a world where they could talk forever about how bloody lovely they were, and how nice it is to share a Twix with someone as tediously pious as yourself. The ones who were left behind would be made to suffer the tribulations. It's based on prophecy: apparently there's a bit in The Bible that damns the impure to suffer hour after hour of lacklustre, shockingly dated real-time strategy. Truly, hell is a bug-riddled inferno of unfair gameplay, where depth is replaced by difficulty.

If you're fragile and spineless enough to think that playing this game might somehow benefit your life, get ready for trial by repetition. Convert the same buildings on the same map into banks, cafes and training camps at the start of every level. Bring the same people, again and again, to your cultish corner of faith. That's if you can deal with the camera, wonky zoom, instant deaths, adverts for staying in school and endless walking.

It's A Sin

The surprisingly tender mindset behind this full-frontal assault on all non-proper-Christians makes the game barely playable. The disgust and fear of modern life is palpable, and for the first three levels, you're forced to walk to your destinations, praying constantly while surrounded by swearing and guitarwielding musicians. Overhearing swear words or an amplified chord drops your unit's spirit, and if even one of your units drops under 60%, you lose. It's game over, unless you constantly pray. Sing. Believe. Rejoice. Oh, and once you start training fighters you can shoot the evil bastards, too. Praise the lord.

If you play games at all, you'll instantly see this game for the unbalanced, unfair and unattractive mess that it is. If you came here for the religion, you'll be battered into submission by rapid, unwarranted deaths before you've heard a fraction of the inspiring music and antievolution bullshit that goes on between levels. Hopefully, everyone - believer or no - can come together and condemn this game as a disservice to gamers, and the humanity it's grotesquely purporting to save.