Days of Oblivion 2: Frozen Eternity

How It Starts:

OK, settle down. Peasants attack a n scientist in a bad wig, all of ire a little too excited to be on. Then a magic thing is thrown in I the sea, before a long soliloquy by the game's star - a Eurotrashy man in an Elvis suit wearing over-large sunglasses. We're then treated to the sight of a badly trained ninja taking out a German OAP (next to a skip. The adventure begins!

How It Works:

It's a point-and-click affair, but it's also I entirely in German, so it's hard to tell what the hell is going on if you're a crap I Englishman like me. Nevertheless, after ten minutes of hard graft I'd been threatened by an old lady with a shotgun before sweet-talking her into giving me a bowl of some sort of pudding. After a quick chat with a vampire I got really stuck though. Which was unfair, as I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at something so amateurish.

Rude-O-Meter

The game box promised nothing but lewdness and naughtiness, but the reality of the situation is far distant A quick skip and dance through the .wmv files of latter CDs however reveal ten FMV monologues from a bikini lady apparently coated in bee's wax and a video of someone touching herself in front of a mirror that you can watch during space-taxi rides in the game.

Actorshave Also Appeared In:

Every single person involved in this travesty of gaming seems to have gone underground or, presumably, onto those phone-kissing chat-line adverts you get every two minutes on German TV. If anyone has their forwarding address, then feel free to pass it on.